Two years ago today we welcomed our firstborn daughter, Larissa, into
this world. Two years ago today my life changed forever. I became a mom,
but not a parent. Two years ago today, I welcomed my beautiful daughter
into this world and sadly said goodbye to her forever.
Larissa isn't here to parent but I'll never stop being her mom. This year, Larissa's birthday is different from last. I'm a mom and a parent to one child who is forever in our hearts and to our daughter, Ambree, whose cooing sounds brought me out of my restless sleep and brought a smile to my face on a day filled with sadness.
We will spend the day again this year printing our packets of information and mailing them to our two main local hospitals. Yes, Larissa may not be here but I'll never stop being her mom and her short life will forever impact the lives of grieving families trying to make sense of their tragic loss. I know our packets of information HAVE made a difference. I've received many emails with kind words of gratitude. And my OB recently told me of a women two years past her full-term still birth whom he gave our packet to with hopes of helping her with her grief. She is so affected by her loss she is paralyzed with sadness and shock and cannot move forward. I hope our story of Larissa and where we are today gives her hope and helps bring her to a better place. Sadly, babies and children do die. Our world is not perfect and I'm one of many grieving mothers. It's a taboo subject as people don't know what to say, but Larissa was very real and I want people to know she's a part of our family.
Two years has brought with it many changes and emotions. We now have Ambree whom I savor every second with and never take any time with her for granted. However, I am a mom to two girls and anyone who asks knows that. Yes, anyone, including acquaintances and passer-bys. I'll never deny Larissa's existence. She gave me forty fabulous weeks and made me a mom. She changed my life forever. November has a whole new meaning and feeling to me. It will forever be the month we welcomed and said goodbye to our firstborn all in one day. However, I'm in a better place this year than last and I hope with each subsequent year I come to greater terms with my loss. Anyone who has walked in my shoes knows the mom of the stillborn baby is affected the most. My husband lost a daughter, my parents and his a grandchild and so forth. However, I carried her for 9 months. I labored and delivered. I dealt with my postpartum body, hormones crashing and trying to conceive another child. I continue to tense up at the infamous question 'Is she your only?' as strangers admire Ambree. But she's not. I'm the mom to two beautiful little girls, one here, one not. I'll continue to parent Ambree and will continue to parent Larissa as best as I can...by continuing her informational packets, visiting the cemetery daily and talking to her in my mind. I'll forever have a hole in my heart and long for my precious firstborn daily, but like many of my elderly and wiser patients have told me, I'll make the best of what I've been dealt. That's all I can do in addition to loving my precious daughter(s) forever.
I love you Larissa...Happy birthday.
Larissa isn't here to parent but I'll never stop being her mom. This year, Larissa's birthday is different from last. I'm a mom and a parent to one child who is forever in our hearts and to our daughter, Ambree, whose cooing sounds brought me out of my restless sleep and brought a smile to my face on a day filled with sadness.
We will spend the day again this year printing our packets of information and mailing them to our two main local hospitals. Yes, Larissa may not be here but I'll never stop being her mom and her short life will forever impact the lives of grieving families trying to make sense of their tragic loss. I know our packets of information HAVE made a difference. I've received many emails with kind words of gratitude. And my OB recently told me of a women two years past her full-term still birth whom he gave our packet to with hopes of helping her with her grief. She is so affected by her loss she is paralyzed with sadness and shock and cannot move forward. I hope our story of Larissa and where we are today gives her hope and helps bring her to a better place. Sadly, babies and children do die. Our world is not perfect and I'm one of many grieving mothers. It's a taboo subject as people don't know what to say, but Larissa was very real and I want people to know she's a part of our family.
Two years has brought with it many changes and emotions. We now have Ambree whom I savor every second with and never take any time with her for granted. However, I am a mom to two girls and anyone who asks knows that. Yes, anyone, including acquaintances and passer-bys. I'll never deny Larissa's existence. She gave me forty fabulous weeks and made me a mom. She changed my life forever. November has a whole new meaning and feeling to me. It will forever be the month we welcomed and said goodbye to our firstborn all in one day. However, I'm in a better place this year than last and I hope with each subsequent year I come to greater terms with my loss. Anyone who has walked in my shoes knows the mom of the stillborn baby is affected the most. My husband lost a daughter, my parents and his a grandchild and so forth. However, I carried her for 9 months. I labored and delivered. I dealt with my postpartum body, hormones crashing and trying to conceive another child. I continue to tense up at the infamous question 'Is she your only?' as strangers admire Ambree. But she's not. I'm the mom to two beautiful little girls, one here, one not. I'll continue to parent Ambree and will continue to parent Larissa as best as I can...by continuing her informational packets, visiting the cemetery daily and talking to her in my mind. I'll forever have a hole in my heart and long for my precious firstborn daily, but like many of my elderly and wiser patients have told me, I'll make the best of what I've been dealt. That's all I can do in addition to loving my precious daughter(s) forever.
I love you Larissa...Happy birthday.
